Anonymous

I got into derby because I wanted a nice ass.

Seriously, my life had settled into this nice homey frumpiness that I couldn’t stand anymore when I hit 40 and had my second child. I was in a major midlife crisis, was sleep-deprived, overworked, depressed and looking at the rest of my life as nothing more than working and seeing my children grow up. The worst of it…I felt invisible. I’d stare at the mirror and see a woman with thinning postpartum hair wearing a milk-stained shirt, dry flaky skin and…yes…a flat pancake butt.

I’d never exercised either. Hated the gym, hated sweating, hated the thought that I HAD to work out because in my heart, I believed that I couldn’t sustain a healthy lifestyle. But I had hit rock bottom. I started going to a gym on the advice of my therapist, and it was okay. I started counting calories, and that too was okay. And that’s when the North Seattle Community College Course Catalog arrived in the mail.

I almost threw it away, you know. I mean, every quarter, I’d flip through that sucker and see photography courses, creating writing, a random business course, nothing that I wanted to take. I still remember the moment that the catalog miraculously flipped open to the recreation page, and I saw three magical words: BEGINNING ROLLER DERBY. I think I squealed. I even think I signed up that day. Almost immediately I thought I was crazy for plopping down my money so fast…the negative voices popped in my head: “Really??! YOU’RE going to try roller derby? Who do you think you are? You’ll make a fool of yourself. You’ll break a leg and then what people will say? You’re old and a wannabe. You don’t even know how to skate! They’ll all laugh at you. You’ll never be good at this anyway…”

Luckily, I really had hit rock bottom so another voice countered, “WTF? What do you have to lose?” And I contacted Hot Flash, who invited me to one of the league practices to try things out.

I started skating and once I got used to being on wheels, and was skating tentatively around the gym, I had this flashback from childhood of that exhilaration of running and feeling the wind blow through my hair. I hadn’t felt that in decades. And much to my surprise, everyone I met was like me, not expert skaters (well, except Flash), not diehard athletes, just ordinary people like me who just wanted to try things out. There were mothers like me, single college women, professionals, and those who just graduated. And we were all drawn to this by the love of the skating and the sport.

I know this is a sport that will always keep me humble, always teach me something about myself, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I am learning something without worrying about what the endgame is. At every practice, I experience a moment when I just feel FREE. And happy. And alive again. Even when I’m hit hard during a scrimmage, I experience this moment of clarity that is almost ZEN. It’s awesome. 

I’m also getting a nice ass out this too. My husband says it’s the best he’s ever seen.